Disclaimer disclaimer hold your horses. This was satirical! A joke! No more hate mail please 🙂 Leave comments in the comment section. This is all just for fun no need to get upset!! After years of travel, research, I am ready to release part one of If Every SUNY School Was A Harry Potter Character. Obviously these are generalizations but if you think I completely missed the dot on which SUNY school is which Harry Potter character hit me in the comments! We can all relate. Every SUNY student binged Harry Potter at some point. Disagree in the comments, not the DMs!
12. SUNY CORTLAND – VICTOR KRUM
Safe to say that SUNY Cortland belongs to no other than the ‘Mr steal ya girl’ in Ron’s life… but not really because I don’t think him and Granger got past second. But we all know he told his whole Quidditch team he was hittin’ that till the morning.
VICTOR KRUM HOUSE SUNY CORTLAND
Furthermore, Cortland dudes LOVE hanging with dudes. And doing dude stuff. Like sports, and walking around campus with large packs of dudes. As you can see with Krum, he hangs around his bros as they take turns calling dibs on the innocent 4th year nerds… Keep your eyes on that Butterbeer Hermione, that ain’t Felix Felicis he’s pouring in there.
11. SUNY FREDONIA- MOANING MYRTLE
Fredon-where? I almost wanted to give this one a Horocrux as a character because NO ONE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.
Instead, we will go with Moaning Myrtle. Since she fits both bills of being someone you never visit, and someone who is ALWAYS moaning for you to come visit even though you both know you will NEVER visit them. (I’m not taking a plane just to land and still be in New York…) If you have a friend who goes to Fredonia… you understand.
10. SUNY NEW PALTZ- RON WEASLEY
So you didn’t get into Binghamton or Geneseo. But you think you’re a little above Cortland and Oswego. So you take the middle of the road with the other red-headed misfits and find yourself stoned at one of the two bars in all of New Paltz.
Like Ron, before a New Paltz student starts he is confused. Trying to find his way in the world and make friends despite his quirkiness. Still, beneath this individuality lies a strong confident ego. In time, just like Ron, it will emerge and you will go from looking for friendship, to turning it away because they don’t deserve your attention. They are beneath you. Because you went to SUNY New Paltz thank you very much!
9. SUNY POTSDAM- SYBILL TRELAWNEY
If you’re a girl who goes to Potsdam, there is a 99.9999% chance that you believe in astrology. Or some sort of karma ying-yang nonsense.
If you’re a guy that goes there, you must be loving all the spiritual pussy or something. I don’t know how you deal with running into the next Nostradamus every time you turn a corner.
Just like Sybill Trelawney, many students at Potsdam (male and female) follow their astrological signs and paths. These paths inevitabley lead to molly and having unprotected sex with strangers most days out of the week. (Do they have classes in Potsdam?)
8. SUNY BUFFALO- HAGRID
Super big, always prepared for the cold, and although located far away, always worth the trip. These are just a few things that Hagrid has in common with the SUNY Buffalo student body.
Just like a Buffalo student he has a very small room in an old house located in an extremely dangerous area. He is also highly unemployable and loves to hang out with people younger than himself. He probably has a beard too.
7. SUNY OSWEGO- GEORGE & FRED WEASLEY
Just like George and Fred Weasley, SUNY Oswego students love to get into mischief and are unlikely to finish their education.
Though they generally are good at heart, they will let nothing get in the way of a good joke or a good time. Whether that means hurting your feelings or weathering a freezing rain wind storm to make it out to Alpha Sig.
They love to haze, but they know where the line is….after they cross it.
6. SUNY ONEONTA – HARRY POTTER
To choose Oneonta takes a special breed. It is rare that someone gets into SUNY Oneonta without getting into New Paltz or Cortland.
That means they are somewhere in between…
Didn’t want to go to crazy at Cortland, but something about New Paltz doesn’t feel right. You belong in the middle.
HARRY POTTER HOUSE SUNY ONEONTA
And lets not forget the most important reason!
5. SUNY BINGHAMTON- Draco Malfoy
If every SUNY student was a Harry Potter student, then someone has to get this guy.
Where all the snobs go. Laywers, engineers, and coke heads who die at 35.
These guys will STOMP you. BUT, if you’re on their side you might be exactly where you want to be.
Very exclusive, extreme nepotism, green colors, past convictions of cheating (*cough* NCAA Bracket *cough*). All while boaasting highest test scores in the state. They snort 8’s but they do it at 8 (before finance). Live fast die young with these money grubbers.
DRACO MALFOY HOUSE BINGHAMTON
Forced to stay inside they have no choice but to increase drug use, lose sanity, and plot revenge against rivals.
Oh and their colors are green so there is that too of course.
4. SUNY GENESEO – LUNA LOVEGOOD
OK so (aside from Suy Geneseo fanatics of course) pretty uch every can agree than Suny Geneseo and Luna Love Good are the OBVIOUS match here.
LUNA LOVEGOOD- SUNY GENESEO
I think that SUNY Geneseo’s school motto is the same as Luna Lovegoods motto should be evidence enough…
3. STONY BROOK – HERMIONE GRANGER
Realistically, in the muggle world, Hermione (the rational genius she is) was going to follow her parents footsteps and become a dentist. The most economical way to achieve this would be to go to undergrad at Suny Stony Brook.
2. SUNY ALBANY – VINCENT CRABB
Lit a fire during a riot, no one talks to him anymore. Draco said he’s been messing with blues.
VINCENT CRABB – HOUSE ALBANY
1. SUNY MARITIME- CEDRIC DIGGORY
A hero in every sense. This is not to say you students will die! I am just giving you the honor of holding the memory that is Cedric Diggory.